You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
