I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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