I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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