Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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