So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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