Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
