He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
