I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
