She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
