She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
