I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
soo... how was my night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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