My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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