9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
