so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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