Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She needs sedatives and a leash
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
