Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
