I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He did a backflip because drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
