Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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