His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
