You made me cry and you don't even care
Im at strip club and am horny
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
