the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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