There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
