I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
