seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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