i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Houston, we have a blender
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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