Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
