I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
