i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
