did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ugly people sure do ruin things
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
