seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
