so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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