Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Randomize
