he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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