I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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