She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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