Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
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