btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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