These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
