Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And then he peed in my hair
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