Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
