i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
