Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
