just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
