btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
