Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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