My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
