I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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