Kiss
Puke
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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