He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy