Texts From Last Night

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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  (780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf
  Replies (33) Good night (741) Bad night (6035)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.

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  (201): I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football. http://tfl.nu/9dil
  Replies (35) Good night (2965) Bad night (3008)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ..im mad u rememberd about that

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  (732): i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt (1-732): ..im mad u rememberd about that http://tfl.nu/q0le
  Replies (14) Good night (1014) Bad night (3439)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.

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  (613): Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors. http://tfl.nu/tkq1
  Replies (20) Good night (8531) Bad night (1153)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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  (401): I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper? http://tfl.nu/78fg
  Replies (2) Good night (1009) Bad night (2498)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers

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  (416): He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers http://tfl.nu/ldwb
  Replies (15) Good night (4888) Bad night (1392)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.

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  (251): I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts. (478): Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions. http://tfl.nu/kp4v
  Replies (13) Good night (2898) Bad night (1123)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

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  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5635) Bad night (1079)
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  (925): View more from California

  I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands

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  (925): I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands http://tfl.nu/dboa
  Replies (5) Good night (781) Bad night (2290)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth

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  (540): i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth http://tfl.nu/m5qw
  Replies (6) Good night (860) Bad night (1417)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus

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  (978): Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus http://tfl.nu/uqkq
  Replies (4) Good night (2067) Bad night (621)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.

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  (252): Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing. http://tfl.nu/p5zs
  Replies (3) Good night (1326) Bad night (574)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that

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  (262): Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that http://tfl.nu/fjxw
  Replies (9) Good night (626) Bad night (1153)
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  (650): View more from California

  I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.

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  (650): I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night. http://tfl.nu/uq34
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (438)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant

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  (902): jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant http://tfl.nu/c3mp
  Replies (0) Good night (509) Bad night (204)

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