Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming