I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
