i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.