I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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