Texts From Last Night

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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.

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  (719): I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment. http://tfl.nu/wmih
  Replies (15) Good night (2903) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina

  (804): View more from Virginia

  not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote

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  (401): she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina (804): not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote http://tfl.nu/mq8t
  Replies (33) Good night (939) Bad night (4035)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think

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  (705): Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think http://tfl.nu/e8us
  Replies (9) Good night (980) Bad night (5122) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after

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  (613): I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after http://tfl.nu/kbgy
  Replies (14) Good night (1054) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

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  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4317) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".

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  (810): you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here". http://tfl.nu/11k9
  Replies (5) Good night (2326) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.

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  (207): I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate. http://tfl.nu/7qra
  Replies (14) Good night (2115) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...

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  (705): I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender... http://tfl.nu/gykh
  Replies (25) Good night (2352) Bad night (878)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.

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  (606): at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk. http://tfl.nu/jf5g
  Replies (11) Good night (468) Bad night (3541) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.

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  (610): i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards. http://tfl.nu/8v5s
  Replies (11) Good night (1918) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.

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  (403): I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally. http://tfl.nu/1q5b
  Replies (4) Good night (1039) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in

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  (864): I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in http://tfl.nu/mz6f
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  crossed #23 off the Slucket List!

  (1-925): View more from California

  YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.

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  (925): crossed #23 off the Slucket List! (1-925): YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING. http://tfl.nu/ln8o
  Replies (6) Good night (2520) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?

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  (785): Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird? http://tfl.nu/9vh0
  Replies (8) Good night (1170) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you

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  (425): I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you http://tfl.nu/h4jv
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt

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