WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...