She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
this will be a night to untag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
