I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
