Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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