Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
