there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My penis needs a shock collar
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The struggles of a small town man whore
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
