When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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