everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm both gender and math confused
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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