Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
