So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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