if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.