I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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