Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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