well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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