Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
