you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
