just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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