the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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