I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
