sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
