Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
