So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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