oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
