i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
