Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
