I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
