There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
