Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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