i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've blown a few things in my day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
