Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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