I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
